Hey. We started a magazine.
You should read it and follow it and send us money.
Your Editor in Chief - Kendall
PS- ...oh, and follow our Web Log! You'll (probably) love it.
www.thebreakmagazine.blogspot.com
Friday, September 4, 2009
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Flag Boy
Um. How come no one knows that the Provo City Flag has a Rainbow stripe on it?
Well it does...
Sorry, but that's funny to me. If you saw a rainbow stripe like that on a vehicle just about anywhere in California there wouldn't be much debate as to what it signified. All I'm saying is that it's on the Provo city flag, which to me is more than slightly ironic. And who says Provo, UT doesn't celebrate diversity? Just don't tell Prop 8. They'll start putting signs out everywhere.
I actually have no idea why it's on Provo's flag...but for some reason I DO know that the Provo City Flag ranks 143 out of 150 city flags in the country.
Can you guess the Number One? Washington D.C.
Are you kidding me?! Not only is that waaaaayyy cliche but that's not even technically a city! It's a "district" (whatever that is...) Of "Columbia" (wherever that is...)
Wow America. And you call Utah backwards... how dare you?
(in an angry whisper...) How daaarrrre you?!
...hey, remember that song, "my flag boy and your flag boy, sittin' by the fire...my flag boy says to your flag boy I'm gonna set your flag on fire! Talkin' hey now, hey now, iko iko ah nay (ahhh ahhh ahhh) Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na-né. - jock-a-mo fee na-né...
yeah. that was from memory...so anyone remember? Um. Anyone...iko iko?
ah crap. I'm a dork.
Well it does...
Sorry, but that's funny to me. If you saw a rainbow stripe like that on a vehicle just about anywhere in California there wouldn't be much debate as to what it signified. All I'm saying is that it's on the Provo city flag, which to me is more than slightly ironic. And who says Provo, UT doesn't celebrate diversity? Just don't tell Prop 8. They'll start putting signs out everywhere.
I actually have no idea why it's on Provo's flag...but for some reason I DO know that the Provo City Flag ranks 143 out of 150 city flags in the country.
Can you guess the Number One? Washington D.C.
Are you kidding me?! Not only is that waaaaayyy cliche but that's not even technically a city! It's a "district" (whatever that is...) Of "Columbia" (wherever that is...)
Wow America. And you call Utah backwards... how dare you?
(in an angry whisper...) How daaarrrre you?!
...hey, remember that song, "my flag boy and your flag boy, sittin' by the fire...my flag boy says to your flag boy I'm gonna set your flag on fire! Talkin' hey now, hey now, iko iko ah nay (ahhh ahhh ahhh) Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na-né. - jock-a-mo fee na-né...
yeah. that was from memory...so anyone remember? Um. Anyone...iko iko?
ah crap. I'm a dork.
Post One Niner
I miss my friend Andrea.
One of the braver people I know.
Always laughs at my dumb jokes, even when she probably shouldn't have.
Always been my friend, even when she probably shouldn't have.
That is all.
Have a nice ride, -Kendall
From right to left: Me. Cosmo. (not our real hair) and Andrea. (that's her real hair. Go Aztecs.)
One of the braver people I know.
Always laughs at my dumb jokes, even when she probably shouldn't have.
Always been my friend, even when she probably shouldn't have.
That is all.
Have a nice ride, -Kendall
From right to left: Me. Cosmo. (not our real hair) and Andrea. (that's her real hair. Go Aztecs.)
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
God hates Democrats...no, wait...I mean Republicans...
Back in 2005, ultra-conservatives Pat Robertson and Jerry Farwell said that it was “the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians and the liberals…” that were to blame for “God’s Wrath” in the form of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita.
Yesterday, ultra-liberals Don Fowler joked that Hurricane Gustav is a “sign from God against the republicans”...
Michael Moore said “This Hurricane Gustav is proof that there is a God in heaven…that it would actually be on its way to New Orleans for day one of the Republican Convention…”
Both insane, ignorant claims from intelligent people who make too much money for spending too much tame wasting what might otherwise be amazing intellect and talent.
It’s so mind boggling that if I think too much about it my brain crashes and shuts down like Windows Vista*.
My only thought is this:
If society has in fact deteriorated so much…that it takes horrible natural disasters for ignorant Conservatives to at least ACCEPT the idea that gay people actually exist…
…and for psycho Liberals to at least ACCEPT the idea that God actually exists…
…then I think we can at least expect the undecided Agnostics to ACCEPT the conclusion that the apathetic Atheists don’t have any answers either because neither of those groups can muster enough energy to even have FAITH.
I think if God is going to be mad enough to send a massive hurricane to destroy any one specific group of people…it should be The Jonas Brothers. And Eli Manning. I freaking hate that guy.
It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.
-Kendall
*…and DARN YOU Mac, Apple, Steve Jobs and Justin Long for making me addicted to iTunes not to mention feeling like a huge DORK every time I power up my Sony Laptop personal computer...
It's bad enough I already own a Pink iPod Shuffle cause it was on "sale" and Pink was the only color left but I just haaaad to get it cause it was on "sale" and I just haaaaad to get an iPod cause all my music files are in freaking iTunes cause I'm ifreaking iDicted to ifrekaingTunes!
I refuse to cave in! You hear me you drity rats?! Your like a bunch of iDrug Pushers selling iCrack and iSmack...you should be ashamed! Oh and by the way...
STOP PUTTING LOWER CASE 'i's" IN FRONT OF EVERYTHING! IT'S GIVING ME AN iANURYSM!
If anyone needs me I’ll be downloading the latest “Windows Service Pack” while hating myself for publicly siteing a “Windows Service Pack” reference.
Pink. It's the new, um...Pink.
Yesterday, ultra-liberals Don Fowler joked that Hurricane Gustav is a “sign from God against the republicans”...
Michael Moore said “This Hurricane Gustav is proof that there is a God in heaven…that it would actually be on its way to New Orleans for day one of the Republican Convention…”
Both insane, ignorant claims from intelligent people who make too much money for spending too much tame wasting what might otherwise be amazing intellect and talent.
It’s so mind boggling that if I think too much about it my brain crashes and shuts down like Windows Vista*.
My only thought is this:
If society has in fact deteriorated so much…that it takes horrible natural disasters for ignorant Conservatives to at least ACCEPT the idea that gay people actually exist…
…and for psycho Liberals to at least ACCEPT the idea that God actually exists…
…then I think we can at least expect the undecided Agnostics to ACCEPT the conclusion that the apathetic Atheists don’t have any answers either because neither of those groups can muster enough energy to even have FAITH.
I think if God is going to be mad enough to send a massive hurricane to destroy any one specific group of people…it should be The Jonas Brothers. And Eli Manning. I freaking hate that guy.
It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.
-Kendall
*…and DARN YOU Mac, Apple, Steve Jobs and Justin Long for making me addicted to iTunes not to mention feeling like a huge DORK every time I power up my Sony Laptop personal computer...
It's bad enough I already own a Pink iPod Shuffle cause it was on "sale" and Pink was the only color left but I just haaaad to get it cause it was on "sale" and I just haaaaad to get an iPod cause all my music files are in freaking iTunes cause I'm ifreaking iDicted to ifrekaingTunes!
I refuse to cave in! You hear me you drity rats?! Your like a bunch of iDrug Pushers selling iCrack and iSmack...you should be ashamed! Oh and by the way...
STOP PUTTING LOWER CASE 'i's" IN FRONT OF EVERYTHING! IT'S GIVING ME AN iANURYSM!
If anyone needs me I’ll be downloading the latest “Windows Service Pack” while hating myself for publicly siteing a “Windows Service Pack” reference.
Pink. It's the new, um...Pink.
Signs the World is ending SOON...
1) The Jonas Brothers.
2) Hannah Montana.
3) Billy Ray Cyrus acting. If he's going to be in a show where he plays, um, HIMSELF...at least he could try to be sort of convincing.
He should also be required to wear the clothes, and same hairstyle he had during the "Achy Breaky Heart" days. You know...the tight jeans pegged, white high-top sneakers, obligitlory sleevless shirt, and legendary mullet...
(don't away from it Billy Ray, it made you who you are today...a rich guy on the Disney Channel with creepy facial hair. The last guy that could pull that off was Jafar from Alladin.)
4) The phrase "Bromantic Comedy" to describe a movie that ought to be classified as a "Chick Flick" but also might have some appeal to guys.
I'll admit, it's a clever phrase. But Ashton Kutcher invented it and that ruins it.
which reminds me...
5) Ashton Kutcher.
That's all for now.
2) Hannah Montana.
3) Billy Ray Cyrus acting. If he's going to be in a show where he plays, um, HIMSELF...at least he could try to be sort of convincing.
He should also be required to wear the clothes, and same hairstyle he had during the "Achy Breaky Heart" days. You know...the tight jeans pegged, white high-top sneakers, obligitlory sleevless shirt, and legendary mullet...
(don't away from it Billy Ray, it made you who you are today...a rich guy on the Disney Channel with creepy facial hair. The last guy that could pull that off was Jafar from Alladin.)
4) The phrase "Bromantic Comedy" to describe a movie that ought to be classified as a "Chick Flick" but also might have some appeal to guys.
I'll admit, it's a clever phrase. But Ashton Kutcher invented it and that ruins it.
which reminds me...
5) Ashton Kutcher.
That's all for now.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Sincerely...
My friend Andrea recently wrote “letter-to-the-editor” to and/or about different aspects of her life…I guess it’s something people are starting do to on their Blogs. It struck me as a pretty funny thing to do. I thought I might try it…but I just ended up “responding” to her “letters”. So here are the letters with their responses.
Dear “superstars” and “famous people”-
Do you really think that it is fair that you get paid millions and millions and MILLIONS of dollars but the men and women who gave you your education get paid very little?
- someone who believes in education.
Dear Someone Who Believes in Education-
In answer to your question, no…we do not think it’s fair…and to be honest, a lot of us never got too much education…but when someone asks, “hey, would you like to get paid millions and millions and MILLIONS of dollars?” …the answer should almost always be FREAKING YES.
Diving into our gold coins like Scrooge McDuck, -Supestars and Famous People
dear san diego,
I love you.
- a resident
Dear Resident,
I love you too…but I do feel the need to see other residents…I mean, don’t get me wrong, the feeling is “municipal”… (sorry. City pun.) It’s not you though, it’s me…you know? We’re just at different, um, levels…um, like, different places. I just need some space. But seriously…let’s get together soon. Text me!
Municipaly yours, San Diego
Dear feet,
why do you still hurt after all the surgeries.
- the rest of your body.
Dear The Rest of Your Body-
We still hurt because you totally stopped returning our phone calls. Neglect is the worst kind of abuse. Why can’t you just talk to us? You’re seeing other feet arent you… ARENT YOU! We knew it. How could you? (in a whisper) how could you!
Pedicuringly yours, Feet.
dear CBS/Price Is Right,
all i wanted to do was get a chance to come on down. you think after 30 some odd years of having people come on the show you’d be able to speed up the process of getting on just by a bit. why so many lines, why so many numbers? do you think you could look into some new processing procedures?
- a tired audience member
Dear Audience Member-
Wait, wait…so are you saying you’ve been in our audience for 30 years…or that you’ve been trying to get in for 30 years… because either way…WOW. We hate to be the ones to say this but, um, TIME TO MOVE ON TO ANOTHER SHOW. Try Wipeout…or any shows in Japan… ANYONE can get on those shows…
Broadcastingly yours, -CBS
Dear woman with the purple shirt waiting in line at the price is right,
shut up please. thank you.
-the girl sitting across and down from you.
Dear Girl,
No YOU shut up! Shut up your face!
BobBarkingly yours, Woman with purple shirt.
dear job,
where are you?
- unemployed.
Dear Unemployed-
I’m playing “Hard-to-Get”…because let’s be honest, the “spark” has been gone for some time now. You quit me, remember?
Resumeingly yours, -Job
dear future,
what will i be doing in 10 years?
-the present.
Dear Present-
You’ll be looking back over the past decade saying something cliché like “where has the time gone?” or… “wow, time really flies!” or… “Now where is my Wrinkle Cream?” Sorry to be cynical…but I have been around awile…I mean, I am TIME for crying out loud…
-The Future
PS- …and if you even say “…today is a gift that’s why it’s called the Present” I swear I will kick you in shin.
dear 10 news,
did you really think that the girl who wanted to sell her virginity for college tuition was a news worthy story? I mean really? REALLY? sad.
-someone who now REALLY hates the news, especially yours.
Dear Someone who hates the News-
Yes. We did. Really.
Hating your news right back, - 10 News
dear opinions,
im glad i get to voice you and have a right to you.
-your author
Dear Author-
You’re welcome. Yay freedom. Viva la revolucion.
Constitutionally yours, -Opinions
dear Australia, Italy, England, New Zealand, Scotland, and Ireland,
some day i will visit you. some day.
-a dreamer
Dear Dreamer-
Don’t you know how to find us? How many times must Kermit tell you…
the Rainbow Connection. Sheesh.
Signed, the Lovers, the Dreamers, and Me John Denver .
dear candidates for President and Vice President. . .
just run for president/V.P stop attacking each other, state what you believe and move along.
-a concerned voter.
Dear Voter-
But you don't understand...we ENJOY attacking, gossiping, hem-hawing, debating, mis-directing, complaining, accusing, and above all misunderestimating…it’s what we DO…it’s called DEMOCRACY...and it’s VERY un-american of you to say otherwise.
Flip-Floppingly yours, The Candidates
dear body,
i am pretty sure you use me too much and don’t treat me kind.
-your tired feet.
Dear Our Feet,
HEY! YOU JUST KEEP IT DOWN DOWN THERE! Seriously, your really becoming an ACHILLES HEEL!… we are becoming very CALLOUS to all your complaining! You keep it up and we’ll have you TOWED!
Anatomically yours, -Body
dear carls junior,
i realize your commercials are targeting a specific audience, that i am not included in. BUT - they gross me out! They are rude, sexist, disgusting and i hate them.
- someone who will never eat your food again.
Dear Former Customer-
We’re sorry. We’re really just hurting inside. We were neglected as children… We’re frightened by our obviouus vulnerablilty caused by an acute sense of arrested development. We never really grew up…helllooooooo, Carls JUNIOR??? But even the sexists need to eat.
-Trans Fattingly yours, Carls’ Jr.
dear disney,
thank you.
- a big fan
Dear Big Fan,
You are welcome. But you used our name without expressed written consent. That will be $1,000 dollars please.
Home of the Happiest Lawyers on Earth, -Disney Corp.
dear brain,
think big. think bright. just think.
-your future.
Dear Future-
You’re so bright, I gotta wear shades. AAAHAHAHAHA!
No seriously though, mix in a tanning spray or something…
Cerebellumly yours, -Brain
dear utah,
why do you have to hold so many of my friends and family? let them leave.
- a californian
p.s. i don’t hate you so much anymore - in fact i kind of miss you - but mostly because you hold a lot of my friends and family.
Dear Californian-
Because we’re cheaper and we have a governor who wasn’t “Conan the Barbarian Kindergarten Cop” in a former life. That’s why. And we have a lovely Deseret…you just have A Lovely Desert. Enjoy your World’s Lagrgest Thermometer.
Signed, -Utah
PS- ...and take your bad drivers back…we make our own here.
dear media,
you really get a lot of things screwed up. state it like it is. just put it out there. stop bending, stretching and distorting it all.
- a bugged viewer.
Dear Bugged Viewer-
OK…you want us to just “state it like it is”…you just want us to “just put it out there”…fine. We hate those sweaters you keep sending us. They don’t match ANYTHING in or wardrobe.
There. We said it. And now this is awkward.
Fashion Consciously yours, -The Media
dear football season,
go away.
-not a big fan.
Dear Not A Big Fan-
Wow. Not even a “Please”. Nice. Reeaaal nice. Why don’t you go away…go away and…um…fall off a bridge or something really high? Yeah.
Hurt feelings are no fun, Hurt feelings hurt everyone.
Tearfully, -Football Season
dear big shot judges,
when did you get to become my voice. i don’t like you so much right now. shouldn’t you have to listen to the people? I know there are laws and whatever kind of mumbo jumbo that you can throw at me that i will not understand. I don’t care. i don’ t like you and i think that some of your decisions stink.
-a concerned member of society and voter.
dear Concerned Memeber of Society and Voter-
We thank you for comments. When did we become your voice? When we were appointed by your government. Yeah…sorry about that.
We didn’t really get in this to be “the voice of the people”…we just really like wearing robes to work. Besides, black is soooo slimming…
And we didn’t know you didn’t like us…we didn’t know you even cared.
Is that why you keep blocking us on Facebook? Rude.
Judicially yours, Big Shot Judges
dear blog,
thank you for letting me write whatever i want on you.
- your owner.
Dear ‘Owner’-
Your welcome. Although, to be fair, I don’t have much choice in the matter. However, if I was a blog in China, your freedoms would be significantly limited…not to mention the words would not match up with the overdubbed sound…but the animation would be killer.
Blogbloggingly yours, -Your Web Log.
Dear “superstars” and “famous people”-
Do you really think that it is fair that you get paid millions and millions and MILLIONS of dollars but the men and women who gave you your education get paid very little?
- someone who believes in education.
Dear Someone Who Believes in Education-
In answer to your question, no…we do not think it’s fair…and to be honest, a lot of us never got too much education…but when someone asks, “hey, would you like to get paid millions and millions and MILLIONS of dollars?” …the answer should almost always be FREAKING YES.
Diving into our gold coins like Scrooge McDuck, -Supestars and Famous People
dear san diego,
I love you.
- a resident
Dear Resident,
I love you too…but I do feel the need to see other residents…I mean, don’t get me wrong, the feeling is “municipal”… (sorry. City pun.) It’s not you though, it’s me…you know? We’re just at different, um, levels…um, like, different places. I just need some space. But seriously…let’s get together soon. Text me!
Municipaly yours, San Diego
Dear feet,
why do you still hurt after all the surgeries.
- the rest of your body.
Dear The Rest of Your Body-
We still hurt because you totally stopped returning our phone calls. Neglect is the worst kind of abuse. Why can’t you just talk to us? You’re seeing other feet arent you… ARENT YOU! We knew it. How could you? (in a whisper) how could you!
Pedicuringly yours, Feet.
dear CBS/Price Is Right,
all i wanted to do was get a chance to come on down. you think after 30 some odd years of having people come on the show you’d be able to speed up the process of getting on just by a bit. why so many lines, why so many numbers? do you think you could look into some new processing procedures?
- a tired audience member
Dear Audience Member-
Wait, wait…so are you saying you’ve been in our audience for 30 years…or that you’ve been trying to get in for 30 years… because either way…WOW. We hate to be the ones to say this but, um, TIME TO MOVE ON TO ANOTHER SHOW. Try Wipeout…or any shows in Japan… ANYONE can get on those shows…
Broadcastingly yours, -CBS
Dear woman with the purple shirt waiting in line at the price is right,
shut up please. thank you.
-the girl sitting across and down from you.
Dear Girl,
No YOU shut up! Shut up your face!
BobBarkingly yours, Woman with purple shirt.
dear job,
where are you?
- unemployed.
Dear Unemployed-
I’m playing “Hard-to-Get”…because let’s be honest, the “spark” has been gone for some time now. You quit me, remember?
Resumeingly yours, -Job
dear future,
what will i be doing in 10 years?
-the present.
Dear Present-
You’ll be looking back over the past decade saying something cliché like “where has the time gone?” or… “wow, time really flies!” or… “Now where is my Wrinkle Cream?” Sorry to be cynical…but I have been around awile…I mean, I am TIME for crying out loud…
-The Future
PS- …and if you even say “…today is a gift that’s why it’s called the Present” I swear I will kick you in shin.
dear 10 news,
did you really think that the girl who wanted to sell her virginity for college tuition was a news worthy story? I mean really? REALLY? sad.
-someone who now REALLY hates the news, especially yours.
Dear Someone who hates the News-
Yes. We did. Really.
Hating your news right back, - 10 News
dear opinions,
im glad i get to voice you and have a right to you.
-your author
Dear Author-
You’re welcome. Yay freedom. Viva la revolucion.
Constitutionally yours, -Opinions
dear Australia, Italy, England, New Zealand, Scotland, and Ireland,
some day i will visit you. some day.
-a dreamer
Dear Dreamer-
Don’t you know how to find us? How many times must Kermit tell you…
the Rainbow Connection. Sheesh.
Signed, the Lovers, the Dreamers, and Me John Denver .
dear candidates for President and Vice President. . .
just run for president/V.P stop attacking each other, state what you believe and move along.
-a concerned voter.
Dear Voter-
But you don't understand...we ENJOY attacking, gossiping, hem-hawing, debating, mis-directing, complaining, accusing, and above all misunderestimating…it’s what we DO…it’s called DEMOCRACY...and it’s VERY un-american of you to say otherwise.
Flip-Floppingly yours, The Candidates
dear body,
i am pretty sure you use me too much and don’t treat me kind.
-your tired feet.
Dear Our Feet,
HEY! YOU JUST KEEP IT DOWN DOWN THERE! Seriously, your really becoming an ACHILLES HEEL!… we are becoming very CALLOUS to all your complaining! You keep it up and we’ll have you TOWED!
Anatomically yours, -Body
dear carls junior,
i realize your commercials are targeting a specific audience, that i am not included in. BUT - they gross me out! They are rude, sexist, disgusting and i hate them.
- someone who will never eat your food again.
Dear Former Customer-
We’re sorry. We’re really just hurting inside. We were neglected as children… We’re frightened by our obviouus vulnerablilty caused by an acute sense of arrested development. We never really grew up…helllooooooo, Carls JUNIOR??? But even the sexists need to eat.
-Trans Fattingly yours, Carls’ Jr.
dear disney,
thank you.
- a big fan
Dear Big Fan,
You are welcome. But you used our name without expressed written consent. That will be $1,000 dollars please.
Home of the Happiest Lawyers on Earth, -Disney Corp.
dear brain,
think big. think bright. just think.
-your future.
Dear Future-
You’re so bright, I gotta wear shades. AAAHAHAHAHA!
No seriously though, mix in a tanning spray or something…
Cerebellumly yours, -Brain
dear utah,
why do you have to hold so many of my friends and family? let them leave.
- a californian
p.s. i don’t hate you so much anymore - in fact i kind of miss you - but mostly because you hold a lot of my friends and family.
Dear Californian-
Because we’re cheaper and we have a governor who wasn’t “Conan the Barbarian Kindergarten Cop” in a former life. That’s why. And we have a lovely Deseret…you just have A Lovely Desert. Enjoy your World’s Lagrgest Thermometer.
Signed, -Utah
PS- ...and take your bad drivers back…we make our own here.
dear media,
you really get a lot of things screwed up. state it like it is. just put it out there. stop bending, stretching and distorting it all.
- a bugged viewer.
Dear Bugged Viewer-
OK…you want us to just “state it like it is”…you just want us to “just put it out there”…fine. We hate those sweaters you keep sending us. They don’t match ANYTHING in or wardrobe.
There. We said it. And now this is awkward.
Fashion Consciously yours, -The Media
dear football season,
go away.
-not a big fan.
Dear Not A Big Fan-
Wow. Not even a “Please”. Nice. Reeaaal nice. Why don’t you go away…go away and…um…fall off a bridge or something really high? Yeah.
Hurt feelings are no fun, Hurt feelings hurt everyone.
Tearfully, -Football Season
dear big shot judges,
when did you get to become my voice. i don’t like you so much right now. shouldn’t you have to listen to the people? I know there are laws and whatever kind of mumbo jumbo that you can throw at me that i will not understand. I don’t care. i don’ t like you and i think that some of your decisions stink.
-a concerned member of society and voter.
dear Concerned Memeber of Society and Voter-
We thank you for comments. When did we become your voice? When we were appointed by your government. Yeah…sorry about that.
We didn’t really get in this to be “the voice of the people”…we just really like wearing robes to work. Besides, black is soooo slimming…
And we didn’t know you didn’t like us…we didn’t know you even cared.
Is that why you keep blocking us on Facebook? Rude.
Judicially yours, Big Shot Judges
dear blog,
thank you for letting me write whatever i want on you.
- your owner.
Dear ‘Owner’-
Your welcome. Although, to be fair, I don’t have much choice in the matter. However, if I was a blog in China, your freedoms would be significantly limited…not to mention the words would not match up with the overdubbed sound…but the animation would be killer.
Blogbloggingly yours, -Your Web Log.
Monday, July 7, 2008
#15 Things That Need to Stop - Stupid Band Names
This has nothing to do with the MUSIC...just the NAMES:
Toad the wet sprocket
Goo goo dolls
Matchbox Twenty
Collective Soul
The Decemberists
Alice In Chains
Better Than Ezra
Butthole Surfers
TV on the Radio
Candle Box
Snow Patrol
Corrosion Of Conformity
Days Of The New
Foo Fighters
Shout out Louds
The Refreshments
Stabbing Westward
Third Eye Blind
Verve Pipe
A flock of seagulls
Kings of Leon
Blow Monkeys
Lifehouse
Nickelback
Live
Yes
Yaz
Brick
Bread
Cream
Badfinger
Finger Eleven
Angels and Airwaves
Animal Collective
As Tall as Lions
The Color Fred
Three Dog Night
SugarLoaf
MeatLoaf
The Acadamy is…
The Who
The Guess Who
I am Kloot
The Weepies
Death Cab for Cutie
Shout out Louds
Trembling Blue Stars
Goo Goo Dolls ( I REALLY hate that name)
…or any band named after a city or country…Berlin. Chicago. Europe. America.
To E-Rob: (see comment below)
you make an excellent case for 70's bands. In hindsight, I think society agrees that rampant drug use combined with free love, Jimmy Carters' foriegn policies, and an obscene amount of polyster and gabardine made for a potently unfortunate set of creative circumstanes, at least so far as band names are concerned. You've made Eric Clapton* proud.
But "Foo Fighters", regardless of their talent, largess, and an off-beat endorsement form the great David Letterman, is still a stupid name.
"Done and done and I'm on to the next one..."
your "stupid band name" submissions are heartily accepted:
Panic! at the Disco (seriously? an exclamation point?)
(-It warms my heart to know that we apparently agree on punctuation abuse.)
Boys Like Girls
(-I've always been of the opinion that obvious, generalized statements should not be band names.)
Hoobastank
(-What is a Hooba? and why does it stank?)
OneRepublic (Just make it two words)
( -agreed)
+44
(-makes me think of a waist size at a Big and Tall store.)
thanks E-Rob, -Kendall
ps-* I'm glad that Eric Clapton was big in the seventies and not today...because then people would try to call him "E-Clap" ...and that sounds like an uncomfortable viral infection...perhaps one contracted due to irresponsible cyber-lovin'...
whoa, sorry. That was weird. So...um, yeah.
Some GOOD band names (at the request of Bradley J. Packer and Jonathan-Cathell:
-R.E.M.
-Queens of the Stone Age
-Shootyz Groove
-The Shins
-System of a Down
-Jurassic 5
-Fugazi
-Fall Out Boy
-The Grateful Dead
-Phish
-Fall Out Boy
-The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
-Dashboard Confessional
-The Get Up Kids
-The Weaker Thans
-Taking Back Sunday
-Sum 41
-Five Iron Frenzy
-Death Cab for Cutie ( somehow they make both lists. I know, I don't understand it either.)
-Apostle of Hustle
-Black Flag
-Dead Kennedys
-Minor Threat
-Dangerdoom
-Violent Femmes
-The Dropkick Murphys
-Flogging Molly
-Operation Ivy
-Aesop Rock
-Quiet Riot
-Wolfmother
-Mstrkrft
-Spinal Tap
-Pharcyde
-Jedi Mind Tricks
-Bob Marley and the Wailers
-The Treacherous Three
-The Fearsome Four
-Grand Master Flash and the Furious Five
-Saturday Morning Soundtrack
-Motion City Soundtrack
-Slow Suicide Stimulus
-Soul and the Skyrider Band
-Vevlet Revolver
-Joy Division
-Monster Magnet
-Die Mannequin
-Hedwig and the Angry Inch
-Juggaknots
-Blind Melon
-Arcade Fire
-Modest Mouse
-Aquabats
-Arctic Monkeys & Death Ramps
-Ozomatli
-Good Morning Maxfield
...and probably the single greatest band name ever:
-Rage Against the Machine
So there you go. Oh, and here's a joke: What do you get when you cross Smashing Pumpkins with Screaming Trees? -Soundgarden
ah 90's band humor...I can't get enough of it.
Toad the wet sprocket
Goo goo dolls
Matchbox Twenty
Collective Soul
The Decemberists
Alice In Chains
Better Than Ezra
Butthole Surfers
TV on the Radio
Candle Box
Snow Patrol
Corrosion Of Conformity
Days Of The New
Foo Fighters
Shout out Louds
The Refreshments
Stabbing Westward
Third Eye Blind
Verve Pipe
A flock of seagulls
Kings of Leon
Blow Monkeys
Lifehouse
Nickelback
Live
Yes
Yaz
Brick
Bread
Cream
Badfinger
Finger Eleven
Angels and Airwaves
Animal Collective
As Tall as Lions
The Color Fred
Three Dog Night
SugarLoaf
MeatLoaf
The Acadamy is…
The Who
The Guess Who
I am Kloot
The Weepies
Death Cab for Cutie
Shout out Louds
Trembling Blue Stars
Goo Goo Dolls ( I REALLY hate that name)
…or any band named after a city or country…Berlin. Chicago. Europe. America.
To E-Rob: (see comment below)
you make an excellent case for 70's bands. In hindsight, I think society agrees that rampant drug use combined with free love, Jimmy Carters' foriegn policies, and an obscene amount of polyster and gabardine made for a potently unfortunate set of creative circumstanes, at least so far as band names are concerned. You've made Eric Clapton* proud.
But "Foo Fighters", regardless of their talent, largess, and an off-beat endorsement form the great David Letterman, is still a stupid name.
"Done and done and I'm on to the next one..."
your "stupid band name" submissions are heartily accepted:
Panic! at the Disco (seriously? an exclamation point?)
(-It warms my heart to know that we apparently agree on punctuation abuse.)
Boys Like Girls
(-I've always been of the opinion that obvious, generalized statements should not be band names.)
Hoobastank
(-What is a Hooba? and why does it stank?)
OneRepublic (Just make it two words)
( -agreed)
+44
(-makes me think of a waist size at a Big and Tall store.)
thanks E-Rob, -Kendall
ps-* I'm glad that Eric Clapton was big in the seventies and not today...because then people would try to call him "E-Clap" ...and that sounds like an uncomfortable viral infection...perhaps one contracted due to irresponsible cyber-lovin'...
whoa, sorry. That was weird. So...um, yeah.
Some GOOD band names (at the request of Bradley J. Packer and Jonathan-Cathell:
-R.E.M.
-Queens of the Stone Age
-Shootyz Groove
-The Shins
-System of a Down
-Jurassic 5
-Fugazi
-Fall Out Boy
-The Grateful Dead
-Phish
-Fall Out Boy
-The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
-Dashboard Confessional
-The Get Up Kids
-The Weaker Thans
-Taking Back Sunday
-Sum 41
-Five Iron Frenzy
-Death Cab for Cutie ( somehow they make both lists. I know, I don't understand it either.)
-Apostle of Hustle
-Black Flag
-Dead Kennedys
-Minor Threat
-Dangerdoom
-Violent Femmes
-The Dropkick Murphys
-Flogging Molly
-Operation Ivy
-Aesop Rock
-Quiet Riot
-Wolfmother
-Mstrkrft
-Spinal Tap
-Pharcyde
-Jedi Mind Tricks
-Bob Marley and the Wailers
-The Treacherous Three
-The Fearsome Four
-Grand Master Flash and the Furious Five
-Saturday Morning Soundtrack
-Motion City Soundtrack
-Slow Suicide Stimulus
-Soul and the Skyrider Band
-Vevlet Revolver
-Joy Division
-Monster Magnet
-Die Mannequin
-Hedwig and the Angry Inch
-Juggaknots
-Blind Melon
-Arcade Fire
-Modest Mouse
-Aquabats
-Arctic Monkeys & Death Ramps
-Ozomatli
-Good Morning Maxfield
...and probably the single greatest band name ever:
-Rage Against the Machine
So there you go. Oh, and here's a joke: What do you get when you cross Smashing Pumpkins with Screaming Trees? -Soundgarden
ah 90's band humor...I can't get enough of it.
Post 14th - The "Hall-Pass Bias"
My friend Tyson Fujikawa recently started reviewing movies on his web log...which got me thinking about movies because him and I often disagree on matters of pop-culture, entertainment, and mass-media in general. (It's a great blog though...very aesthetically pleasing.)
A lot of my free-time is spent consuming meida in all of it's forms. When it comes to movies I tend to be less than discriminating usually due to my "hall-pass bias"...
The "Hall-Pass Bias" is the attitude I take towards my favorite actors...meaning, there are certain actors/actresses that I will see in almost any movie they are in no matter what and probably have a favorable bias to the movie in general, ergo de facto, they get a "hall-pass". (there are some acceptions dependig on the severity of the content or the appropraiteness of the subject-matter.)
In no particular order:
Al Pacino
Robert DeNiro
Cate Blanchett
Fred Willard
Gary Oldman
Samuel L. Jackson (not all)
Jason Bateman
Claire Danes
Chazz Palminteri
Benicio del Toro
George Clooney
Bill Murray
Sam Rockwell
Gene Hackman
Brad Pitt
Amanda Bynes (don't judge me)
Christopher Walken
...more to follow...
A lot of my free-time is spent consuming meida in all of it's forms. When it comes to movies I tend to be less than discriminating usually due to my "hall-pass bias"...
The "Hall-Pass Bias" is the attitude I take towards my favorite actors...meaning, there are certain actors/actresses that I will see in almost any movie they are in no matter what and probably have a favorable bias to the movie in general, ergo de facto, they get a "hall-pass". (there are some acceptions dependig on the severity of the content or the appropraiteness of the subject-matter.)
In no particular order:
Al Pacino
Robert DeNiro
Cate Blanchett
Fred Willard
Gary Oldman
Samuel L. Jackson (not all)
Jason Bateman
Claire Danes
Chazz Palminteri
Benicio del Toro
George Clooney
Bill Murray
Sam Rockwell
Gene Hackman
Brad Pitt
Amanda Bynes (don't judge me)
Christopher Walken
...more to follow...
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Post 13th
Things That Need to STOP - (Cell Phone Edition)
Bluetooth earpieces.
If you MUST have one you should only use it in the car where it serves real purpose. You do not need it in the store, the bank, on the plane, bus or train, the restaurant, and most of all the FREAKING bathroom.
Just because you had a great summer last year in Summer Sales and this year you are a "MANAGER" does not mean you are busy enough to be using a bluetooth earpeice. Only if you are a defense attorney (not prosecuting) or a legit finiacial broker (not a "daytrader")...or if you work for Microsoft (the actual company, not "Microsoft Certified") can you possibly justify the public use of a bluetooth earpiece.
And if you are reading this you are probably none of those things.
The term "Cell Phone".
"CELL" phone. That's what they are called. That's what they have always been called. I DO NOT care if the term "CELL", as in "CELLULAR", doesn't technically apply anymore...it is a "cell" phone. If you refer to your phone as a "WIRELESS" phone then you deserve to get kicked in the shin.
Yes you do.
If you refer to your cell phone by it's brand name e.g. "...I can be reached on my NEXTEL" or "hey, just call me on my iPHONE"... you likewise, deserve a kick in the shin.
The same goes for the Blackberry, the Palm, and/or the Sidekick.
IN FACT, that goes DOUBLE for you iPhone fanatics. I don't care that you have them, or that you pull them out in public FOR NO APPARENT REASON...in fact, I sort of wish I had one (so I still have the Motorola RAZR, alright? I know, I know, that is sooooo 2004)...I'm just saying that if you are a person that actually refers to your iPhone as though it is an entity with it's own personality, then you can darn well expect that you have a special place reserved for you IN HELL.
That's right, H E L L.
And you think there woudn't be any cell service because it's HELL right? Wrong! There is in fact service, only it's spotty at best...like say, one or two "bars" worth...so every call kind of comes through only not really...it's all staticy and keeps breaking up...and it keeps dropping calls and going in and out of roaming service so you never know how much you're being charged...and you want to send text messages but you find out that your precious "predictive text" doesn't work properly in HELL because it keeps giving you the wrong words so you're forced to type things out tthheee llooonnggg wwaaayyyyy and you can't stand it cause you're so used to instant QWERTY gratification...so then you think "NBD" (no big deal) and you find a computer figuring that maybe you can at least G-Chat but you learn that IN HELL they only have the Windows 98 version of HOTMAIL not to mention DIAL UP internet...and to really make things worse Satan keeps walking over and jabing you in the ribs with his boney devil elbows saying "get it? get it?! hotmail ...HOT-mail! you know, cause we're in HELL! AAAHAHAHAHAAA! and you say "Get thee hence Satan with your sulfur breath and stupid devil-puns! and he says "oh, I'm sorry... did you forget that YOU ARE IN HELL?! Suck on that pretentious douche-bag WIRELESS user!!! OMG ROTFBIHFE*!
(*oh my gosh rolling on the floor burning in hell for enternity)
if anyone needs me I'll be playing Snake on my Nokia. -Kendall
Bluetooth earpieces.
If you MUST have one you should only use it in the car where it serves real purpose. You do not need it in the store, the bank, on the plane, bus or train, the restaurant, and most of all the FREAKING bathroom.
Just because you had a great summer last year in Summer Sales and this year you are a "MANAGER" does not mean you are busy enough to be using a bluetooth earpeice. Only if you are a defense attorney (not prosecuting) or a legit finiacial broker (not a "daytrader")...or if you work for Microsoft (the actual company, not "Microsoft Certified") can you possibly justify the public use of a bluetooth earpiece.
And if you are reading this you are probably none of those things.
The term "Cell Phone".
"CELL" phone. That's what they are called. That's what they have always been called. I DO NOT care if the term "CELL", as in "CELLULAR", doesn't technically apply anymore...it is a "cell" phone. If you refer to your phone as a "WIRELESS" phone then you deserve to get kicked in the shin.
Yes you do.
If you refer to your cell phone by it's brand name e.g. "...I can be reached on my NEXTEL" or "hey, just call me on my iPHONE"... you likewise, deserve a kick in the shin.
The same goes for the Blackberry, the Palm, and/or the Sidekick.
IN FACT, that goes DOUBLE for you iPhone fanatics. I don't care that you have them, or that you pull them out in public FOR NO APPARENT REASON...in fact, I sort of wish I had one (so I still have the Motorola RAZR, alright? I know, I know, that is sooooo 2004)...I'm just saying that if you are a person that actually refers to your iPhone as though it is an entity with it's own personality, then you can darn well expect that you have a special place reserved for you IN HELL.
That's right, H E L L.
And you think there woudn't be any cell service because it's HELL right? Wrong! There is in fact service, only it's spotty at best...like say, one or two "bars" worth...so every call kind of comes through only not really...it's all staticy and keeps breaking up...and it keeps dropping calls and going in and out of roaming service so you never know how much you're being charged...and you want to send text messages but you find out that your precious "predictive text" doesn't work properly in HELL because it keeps giving you the wrong words so you're forced to type things out tthheee llooonnggg wwaaayyyyy and you can't stand it cause you're so used to instant QWERTY gratification...so then you think "NBD" (no big deal) and you find a computer figuring that maybe you can at least G-Chat but you learn that IN HELL they only have the Windows 98 version of HOTMAIL not to mention DIAL UP internet...and to really make things worse Satan keeps walking over and jabing you in the ribs with his boney devil elbows saying "get it? get it?! hotmail ...HOT-mail! you know, cause we're in HELL! AAAHAHAHAHAAA! and you say "Get thee hence Satan with your sulfur breath and stupid devil-puns! and he says "oh, I'm sorry... did you forget that YOU ARE IN HELL?! Suck on that pretentious douche-bag WIRELESS user!!! OMG ROTFBIHFE*!
(*oh my gosh rolling on the floor burning in hell for enternity)
if anyone needs me I'll be playing Snake on my Nokia. -Kendall
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Post 12a - Terrorists and Lesbians
I live in an undisclosed location just south of Salt Lake City.
Birds feel at home laying eggs on my deck as opposed to the large tree that is five feet away...but I don't suppose I can judge because were I a bird, I would perfer to lay eggs on my deck instead of in the tree. It's a surprisingly comfortable deck.
Terrorists live below me. They are very polite. Then again I've never known any terrorists.
Lesbians are across the way. They are polite as well. And I've known a fair amount of lesbians. Yeah, not always polite those lesbians...
Parking is plentiful.
The pool needs cleaning.
There are a lot of trees.
The pizza guy is always late, but he's really nice and engish is clearly his second language so I tip him anyways.
I always have the gym to myself.
I can never remember my zip code.
My celings are vaulted.
My decor includes vases, S. Pellegino bottles, and an Ansel Adams photo in a brushed nickel frame.
I'm addicted to most things that are brushed nickel.
Birds feel at home laying eggs on my deck as opposed to the large tree that is five feet away...but I don't suppose I can judge because were I a bird, I would perfer to lay eggs on my deck instead of in the tree. It's a surprisingly comfortable deck.
Terrorists live below me. They are very polite. Then again I've never known any terrorists.
Lesbians are across the way. They are polite as well. And I've known a fair amount of lesbians. Yeah, not always polite those lesbians...
Parking is plentiful.
The pool needs cleaning.
There are a lot of trees.
The pizza guy is always late, but he's really nice and engish is clearly his second language so I tip him anyways.
I always have the gym to myself.
I can never remember my zip code.
My celings are vaulted.
My decor includes vases, S. Pellegino bottles, and an Ansel Adams photo in a brushed nickel frame.
I'm addicted to most things that are brushed nickel.
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